i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
