She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
