I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize