what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
