Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
