end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
