I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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