When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
