her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
