You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize