I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize