Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
