You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
