Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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