get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
