you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Less talking, more tequila
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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