So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize