My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
