OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize