Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
