Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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