We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
