I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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