Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
