i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
