I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
