I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
