I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
