We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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