When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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