he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
