She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
