There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
