My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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