He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
