just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
