Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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