I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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