Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
