dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
