highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
