A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
