As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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