I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
