A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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