Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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