i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
