i think my tv is drunk
I think I died a long time ago.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
