Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
oh god the rape fog is back!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
