why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
