He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
