you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
