The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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