I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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