so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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