if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
