May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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