So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
