Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
