Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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