when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
