I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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