i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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