i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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