she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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