Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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