RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
