i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
