Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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