god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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