Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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