nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
