By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
