I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
