Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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