You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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