I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
