my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
