you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
