I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
