My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
