glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
