I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
