Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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