Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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