Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My feet surprised me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
