I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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