office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize