how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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