Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
