I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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