i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize