Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
