yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
