dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You are the jesus of drinking
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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