Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
